(Sang on show American Music Shop)

Well hello, come in, great to see you again
Been such a long drive, guess you're beat
Heaven's what's that? It's a dwarf in a hat
Oh no, you've brought the children, how sweet.

I'm sure you mentioned it when we'd last spoken
Let me just move these so they don't get broken
He's such a delight, and you're staying the night
You know I just love little kids.

Little kids, are sticky and cute
Little kids, have mud on their boots
And they run through my house
And they torment my dogs
And I surely do love little kids.

Now let's sit in here, honey this is your chair
No, kitty's afraid when you shout
Oh, it's ok, it was old anyway
And the other one washes right out.

Don't touch the parrot, that's right it's a mean one
How do they do it? I'd need a machine gun
She's patient and kind, I'd be out of my mind
You know I just love little kids.

Little kids, will cry anywhere
Little kids, have food in their hair
And they run through my house
And they torment my dogs
And I surely do love little kids.

Now don't pull their tails
No, they're not mean
And yes, if they bite you, it hurts
It's just a Sears coffee machine
Nobody knows how it works.

The company's gone, I'm sitting alone
Away from the noise and the fuss
The pets have returned and this weekend I've learned
Little children are nothing like us.

'Cause they put their food in ridiculous places
And they leave their fingerprints on their own faces
Oh, how could you say we all started this way?
You know I just love little kids.

Little kids, get up way before me
Little kids, leave a trail of debris
And they run through my house
And they torment my dogs
And I surely do love little kids...