I don't drink, but it's cool if you do,
But god damnit I'm telling you.
No one likes you when you're smashed.
No one finds it funny when you crash.

Hug your friend, kiss your friend,
Yes, I hear "Yay biffles" to no end.
Sloppy drunk, classy, hot,
When you hook up and need a pennacilin shot.

Man I'm glad everyday,
That I know just what to say because,
Man I'm glad everyday,
That I know just what to say because...

Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls (GOD I HATE ME!)

Fourteen, fifteen, why not twelve?
Self respect? Don't stress yourselves.
Inbriation, and your salvation.
You're prepared for social interactions.

I'm glad you paid five bucks tonight,
To see my band in spinning lights,
Well what can I say my pickled beauty,
"Oh my God, like did you see my booty, ha!"

Man I'm glad everyday,
That I know just what to say because,
Man I'm glad everyday,
That I know just what to say! 'Cause

Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls (GOD I HATE ME!)

Man I'm glad everyday.
That I know just what to say 'cause.
Man I'm glad everyday
That I know just what to say!

Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls think I'm funny
Drunk girls...