I could make a dress, a robe fit for a prince
I could clothe a continent, but I can't sew a stitch
I can paint my face and stand very very still
It's not very practical, but it still pays the bills
I can't change my name, but I could be your type
I can dance and win at games
like backgammon & life

I used to be the smart one - sharp as a tack
Funny that how skipping years ahead has held me back
I used to be the bright one - top in my class
Funny what they give you when you just learn how to ask

I can write a song, but I can't sing in key
I can play piano, but I never learned to read
I can't trap a mouse, but I can pet a cat
No, I'm really serious, I'm really very good at that
I can't fix a car, but I can fix a flat
I can fix a lot of things, but I'd rather not get into that

I used to be the bright one - smart as a whip
Funny how you slip so far when teachers don't keep track
I used to be the tight one - the perfect fit
Funny how those compliments can make you feel so full of it

I can shuffle, cut and deal, but I can't draw a hand
I can't draw a lot of things, I hope you understand
I'm not exceptionally shy, but I never had a man
who I could look straight in the eye and tell my secret plans
I can take a vow and I can wear a ring
and I can make you promises, but they won't mean a thing

Can't you just do it for me? I'll pay you well
Fuck, I'll pay you anything if you could end this...
Can't you just fix it for me? It's gone berserk
Oh fuck, I'll give you anything if you could make the damn thing work
Can't you just fix it for me? I'll pay you well
Oh fuck, I'll pay you anything if you could end this hell...

(Hello, I love you, would you tell me your name?
Hello - I'm good for nothing...
Will you love me just the same?)