Hello Muddah hello Faddah
here I am at Camp Granada
camp is very entertaining
and they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining

I went hiking with Joe Spivy
he developed poison ivy
you remember Lynerd Skynerd
he got toi mang poisoning last night after dinner

all the counselors hate the waiters
and the lake has alligaters
and the head coach wants no sissies
so he reads to us from something called Ulysses

now I don't want this to scare you
but my bunk mate has malaria
you remember Jeffery Harding?
they're about to organize a searching party

take me home
oh muddah faddah
take me home
i hate granada

dont leave me I'll end up for square
or I might get eaten by a bear

take me home

I promise I will not make noise
or mess the house with other boys

oh please don't make me stay
I've been here one whole day

dearest Faddah darling Muddah
hows my precious little bruddah
let me come home if you miss me
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me

wait a minute it stopped hailing
guys are swimming guys are sailing
playing baseball gee thats better
Muddah Fadduh kindly disreguard this letter