Hello, Mr. Fussy
Hello, Mrs. Nice
Have you ever shared a bathtub
Full of beer and ice?

I know you want to
I know you can
Put down your children
And free up your hands

Come on and free up your hands
Come on and free up your hands

Do you still like to kiss her?
Do you still hold her hand?
Would you cheat with her sister?
Do you march to her band?

And when you're by yourself
With a drink in one hand
Do you break your little rule
And give yourself the other hand?

C'mon and give yourself a hand
C'mon and give yourself a hand
C'mon and give yourself a hand
C'mon and give yourself a hand

I know your wife's uncle
He's a very nice man
He's got long clever fingers
On his lovely pink hands

Did you give that bad boy
The back of your hand?
I know you want to
I know you can

Give him the back of your hand
Give him the back of your hand
Give him the back of your hand
Give him the back of your hand