Sitting in a cafe talking to a lady
Having a discussion about S-E-X
In her early thirties she was talking kinda dirty
I was totally excited but a nervous wreck

Then she said before we'd ever get to the mat
I'd have to walk her to the altar
What'd I think about that?
Check Please! Quickly
How much do I owe, it's time for me to go
What she wants to do ain't on the menu
So hey maitre d'snap one two three, check please
I called her up the next day said meet me in the cafe
Told her I was hasty could we try once more
Red wine, candlelight couldn't keep the subject light
It headed for the gutter like the night before
Then she leaned over and whispered with them drop dead lips
How's about we settle down and raise ten kids
Check Please! Quickly
How much do I owe, it's time for me to go
What she wants to do ain't on the menu
So hey maitre d'snap one two three, check please
I'm in control, I'm doing fine, I could walk away at any time
As a matter of fact, I ain't never ever calling her back
Back again the next night giving in to Miss Right
Taking her home to meet the Mom and Dad
Told her I would gladly wait for wedding bells to consummate
Even if those cold showers drove me mad
Then she gave me that "I want you right now" look with her eye
As her toe started climbing up my thigh
Check Please! Quickly
How much do we owe, it's time for us to go
What we want to do ain't on the menu
So hey maitre d'snap one two three
Check Please...