So I stepped up for the weighin' I knew the scales were wrong
Cause you know how them drugstore scales get stepped on all day long
A little fortune card came out it bears upon my mind
There was no fortune all it said but just one at a time

Because when I'm a heavyweight I'm fine when I'm fine
I got a suit for every weight up to size fifty-nine
I always wanted to waterski I finally got up this year
Two iron boards and toe chain and I came right out of there
People wonder how I laugh at things that make 'em frown
And how I keep my double chin from a draggin' on the ground
I guess the folks are curious ask where I get to drive
But I can go to distance with any girl alive
Because honey I'm a heavyweight I'm fine if you are mine
You won't get cold in the winter and I'm a shade in summertime
One gets lonely two's companions three's a crowd they say
But I won't fuss if you bring the bus and load the darlings by today
Someday I'll have to hangin' up and underfeet the heavyweight
I'll never make the weighin' for a million dollare gate
I'm a suckin' it to you puny lads you better stay out of my way
And maybe next year you might be able to prove a little weigh your way
Cause when I'm a heavyweight I was fine sixty-nine
And that's not my suit size buddy just the year I left behind
But when they try to put me down six feet under the ground
There ain't no way to cover up the round mound of sound
No there ain't no way to cover up the round mound of sound