Judge Turpin (Alan Rickman) - [speaking]
Beadle Bamford (Timothy Spall)



Judge Turpin:“I have news for you, my friend. In order to shield
her from the evils of this world, I have decided to
marry my dear Johanna.”

Beadle Bamford:“Oh, sir, happy news indeed!”

Judge Turpin:“Strange, though. When I offered myself to her, she
showed a certain... reluctance.”

Beadle Bamford:Excuse me, my lord
May I request, my lord
Permission, my lord, to speak
Forgive me if I suggest, my lord
You’re looking less than your best, my lord
There’s powder upon your vest, my lord
And stubble upon your cheek
And ladies, my lord, are weak

Judge Turpin:“Stubble, you say?
…Perhaps I am a little over-hasty in the mornings.”

Beadle Bamford:Fret not though, my lord
I know a place, my lord
A barber, my lord, of skill
Thus art with a shaven face, my lord
Some eau de cologne to place, my lord
And to enhance the chase, my lord
You’ll dazzle the girl until…

Judge Turpin:“Until?”

Beadle Bamford:She bows to your every will

Judge Turpin:“A barber? Take me to him.”