I have sailed the world, beheld its wonders
From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru
But there’s no place like London!

TODD:
No there’s no place like London

You are young
Life has been kind to you
You will learn

There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it
And its morals aren’t worth what a pig could spit
And it goes by the name of London

At the top of the hole sit a privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
Turning beauty into filth and greed
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders
For the cruelty of men is as wondrous as Peru
But there’s no place like London

There was a barber and his wife
And she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife
She was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful
And she was virtuous
And he was…naïve

There was another man who saw
That she was beautiful
A biased vulture of the law
And with a gesture of his claw
Removed the barber from his plate
Then there was nothing but to wait
And she would fall
So soft, so young, so lost
And oh so beautiful

Oh, that was many years ago…
I doubt if anyone would know

There’s a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it’s filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it