Rise and shine, my dear,

It's time to meet our guests.

We'd be pleased if you could

Wear your Sunday best.



You might be surprised at

Who I would invite.

The Dear Departed will be

Dining here tonight.



Turn the porch light on,

The recently deceased

Shortly will arrive and

Join us for a feast.



Find the silverware and

Linens clean and white.

The Dear Departed will be

Dining here tonight.



CHORUS:

Seems I'm sleeping with the dead.

Might as well dine with them, too.

I can't begin to see what's

Going through your head,

But, you know,

I'm always there for you.



Light the candles, dear, and

Stir the consumé.

Fill the glasses with a

Silky chardonnay.



Best behavior, kids,

We all must be polite.

The dear departed will be

Dining here tonight.



Hang the guest towels, dear, and

Close the bedroom door.

Place the hors d'oeuvres here and

Sweep the kitchen floor.



Avon hides the lines while

Valium hides the spite.

The dear departed will be

Dining here tonight.



(Chorus)



BRIDGE

And Lord knows I try

To be the man that you would

Have me be.

But our pillows, dear, are like

Gravestones to me.



Gather in the hall and

Greet our company.

Show them to their chairs and

Smile convincingly.



Keep the glasses full and

Conversation light.

The dear departed will be

Dining here tonight.



Send the kids to bed and

Mask a subtle yawn.

Hope they take the hint and

Soon they will be gone.



No such luck, my dear, our

Masquerade was trite.

The dear departed will be

Staying here tonight.



(Chorus, Bridge)