If you were a Cherokee, I might have reservations
I'm in love with the paleness of your skin
If you were a spaceman, I'd be jealous of your spaceship
It would be so intimidating

If you were the Queen of Rome, I'd want to move to Rome and,
Wouldn't that be ro-man-tic?
If you were the principal, then I would stab the teacher
I want to be in your detention

Sober as I throw my woo's but girl, if you were booze, I'd be an alcoholic!
Alcoholic (x3)

If you were a loan-shark, I would never re-pay you
I would want you to break my legs
If you were the bartender, I'd catch on pretty quickly
You were putting something in my gin

Sober as I throw my woo's but girl, if you were booze, I'd be an alcoholic!
Alcoholic (x3)

You want a piece of me, I want a piece of you
I got the peace of mind to see what you can do
Act right now, supplies are running, last call is coming fast

If you were a fireman, I'd pull every fire-alarm
Just to watch you drive up the drive-way
If you were the worst rockstar to ever grace the planet,
I'd travel all over just to watch you play

Sober as I throw my woo's but girl, if you were booze, I'd be an alcoholic!
Alcoholic (x3)

I'd be an alcoholic...(x4)