I'm not a free lunch box car parked in the seat
dead-end streetcar of desire caught by the tailpiece
I'm a jiffy pop tarts are bad for your teen-aged beef

There's a mando-Linda Evans talking on the
phone call a Porter Wagoner tailor-made underwear
every dog has his Dayton Ohio Hitler
says to button your fly Tijuana place a Bette Midler

Oh drop dead lock stock and bugle coral reefer man
every Marlon Brando gave him a great big handstand
what a lumpy Guy lumbago embargo fish pants

Is there a Groucho Marxist doctrine in the
house calls about a lost set of Keystone cops out
the same way you came in through the bathroom wind-
oh look! a rock'n'roller skate and all skate slowly

Hey man a T-bone state of the aren't
you gonna finish your bird in a box
Hey man your witness to the stand still
shoulder to shoulder the burden a box
Hey man and even Colonel Sanders' daddy
was a Thunderbird in a box

Loose tooth three of a perfect paradiced onions cheese
and beans from another planeteri gargoyle change
every two thousand smiled at
Linda Evans called again singing happy birthmark