Ren: "Steempy! What's all that racket about?"
Stimpy: "I'm tap-dancing, Ren! Pretty good, huh?"
Ren: "Eet just sounds like noise to me! And you look even more stupeed than usual!"
Stimpy: "Oh, pshaw! Tap-dancing is fun, Ren! Why don't you join me?"
Ren: "Oh no, I'm no eediot."
Stimpy: "Oh c'mon! No one will ever see you."
Ren: "No way!"
Stimpy: "Just put these shoes on, and move your feet..."
Ren: "BACK OFF, MAN!! I can do it..."
Stimpy: "Now, don't you feel better?"
Ren: "Heeeey, thees eez fun! You're right, Stimpy. I'm sorry I'm all the time so mean to you."
Stimpy: "Think nothin' of it, buddy! Pal!

It's really great to have a chum
Who's kind and caring and lots of fun.
He slaps me around when I feel blue;
Only a pal would do that for you.
His name is Ren
And when it comes to a friend,
No one is better.

Your turn, pal!"
Ren: Ah, okay, bud--AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! You eediot! If you're going to tap-dance, do it on your own two feet!"
Stimpy: "Whoops."

Ren: "He's really fat, [Stimpy burps] but I admit,"
Stimpy: (What's that, Ren?)
Ren: "He's not so dumb..."
Stimpy: (Joy!)
Ren: "...For an eediot!
I hate the smell of his stinky leeter box
And when he fills me to my stay-put socks.
He's lost his mind
But when I'm een a bind,
He's better than no one.

Would you wanna comb my hair?"
Stimpy: "With glee!"
Ren: "Would you shave my tongue?"
Stimpy: "For free!"
Ren: "Would you flense my spleen?"
Stimpy: "Whoopee!"
Both: "You're the friend for me!"

Ren: "My friend to the end,"
Stimpy: (That's me! That's me!)
Ren: "Which I hope is soon,"
Stimpy: (He hopes is soon!)
Ren: "Has a head full of air"
Stimpy: (A head full of air?)
Ren: "Like a red balloon!"
Stimpy: "A balloon-head? Wow! What a great thing to be!
You always say the nicest things to me!"
Ren: "You're a fool!"
Stimpy: "But I think you're cool!
No one is better.

Would you tell me a story?"
Ren: "No way!"
Stimpy: "Would you pick my nose?"
Ren: "For pay..."
Stimpy: "Would you scratch my back?"
Ren: "No!"
Stimpy: "Pluck my brows?"
Ren: "No!!"
Stimpy: "Clean my box?"
Ren: [screams]
Stimpy: "Lick my fur?"

Ren: "All right, Stimpy! THAT'S EET! I've had enough of your stUUUUpid questions! The answer is NO! No, I tell you! A thousand times, NOOOO!!!!"
Stimpy: "Oh, just asking!"

Ren: "We're opposites by nature."
Stimpy: "He's a dog, and I-I'm a cat! I think."
Ren: "But put us both together..."
Stimpy: "And we're a purr-fect match!"
Ren: "Shut up!"
Stimpy: "Yes, sir! I'm glad he's here to tell me what to do!"
Ren: "Aw, somebody's got to think for you.
You may be a dud,
But when I need a bud,
You're better than no one."

Stimpy: "No one is better!"
Ren: "You're better than..."
Stimpy: "No one is..."
Ren: "Better than..."
Stimpy: "No one..."
Both: "No one... is better."