Singers:
Here is the tale of a babysitting job,
the baby is something of a snob,

Stewie:
Oh, go fuck yourselves

Singers:
So listen very closely, and you'll find
that what they say is not the same as what's on their minds

Haylie:
Aren't you a cute little boy

Haylie's Thoughts:
look at that melon shaped head

Stewie:
Having you here is a joy

Stewie's Thoughts:
and in an hour you'll be dead

Haylie:
Sit on my knee

Haylie's Thoughts:
please don't go poo

Stewie:
Nice place to be

Stewie's Thoughts:
This one's for you

Both:
Babysitting is a bum deal

Haylie:
Why don't we watch Will & Grace

Thought:
Jesus, do I need a smoke

Stewie:
Jack puts a smile on my face

Thought:
oh, what a surprise, a gay joke

Haylie:
I like your house

Thought:
the ceiling has cracks

Stewie:
I like your blouse

Thought:
Miss TJ Maxx

Both:
Babysitting is a bum deal

Singers:
So they sat as time went by

Haylie:
slowly as time could go

Singers:
the baby blared, and softly cursed

Stewie:
cause her lips, and her skirt, and her shoes,
and her hair made her look like a hoe

Haylie:
Time for your bottle my sweet

Thought:
This little brat smells like piss

Stewie:
always a succulent treat

Thought:
while I suck that, you suck this

Haylie:
Aren't you a sight

Thought:
look at him drool

Stewie:
you're a delight

Thought:
Damn you, you fool

Both:
Babysitting is a bum deal

Singers:
The diaper change was quite a job

Haylie:
the grossest I've ever seen

Singers:
The baby smiled and took a breath

Stewie:
and I grunted and pooped out a poop,
that looked something like Matthew Modine

Haylie:
someday you might meet a girl

Thought:
yeah, she's gonna be your right hand

Stewie:
Maybe it's you my sweet pearl

Thought:
darling, I'd rather fuck sand

Haylie:
Have a good night

Thought:
you little creep

Stewie:
Have a good night

Thought:
Die in your sleep

Both:
Babysitting is a bum deal
Babysitting is a bum deal