If I were a farmer, I’'d live in Oklahoma,
I'’d have a million cows, a unibrow, and some overalls to boot.
If I were a painter, I'’d live in New York city,
I’'d paint something real pretty, city life, I’'d wear a second hand brown suit,
How bout a waiter, I’'d carry mashed potatoes,
and a big old steak out to the guy who’s sitting in the booth.
If I was in the FBI, I’ would help the world fight crime, a walkie talkie, a secret op-e and a wiretapping dude.

But I’m just a normal guy, with a light in my eye,
In love with a world that is so alive.
Isn'’t it scary, how everythings a mystery, all the time.
I’m just a normal guy, with a light in my eye,
In love with a world that is so alive.
Isn't it scary, how everythings a mystery, happy, sad, confused, whats the meaning of life?

If I were a politician, I’'d follow the tradition, and I'd cheat and lie, but it’s all right, hey that ain't nothing new.
If I drove a taxi cab, I would run up all the tabs,
just to save some dough, that I could blow on cigarettes and booze.
If I were the devil, I’d cause alot of trouble,
Hey, I’'d come to earth, and go to church, and sit right in a pew.
If I was a criminal, living in prison cell, wouldn’t drop my soap that’s on a rope, near Bubba and his crew.

If I were a nudist, that would be the coolest.
I'd stand in line at the five and dime in nothing but my shoes.
If I were a CEO, I'd have a lot of cash to blow,
I'd buy inside tips on Wall street and let Martha Stewart know.