I've got a twitch and it is itching won't you switch if off?
You press my buttons like nobody else I can think of.
Your hairy fingers feel so soft against my skin,
But when you take your clothes off, they notify my next of kin.
Your armpits are so smelly, they really cause a wiff,
Your underpants have been worn so much they're turning rather stiff.
So won't you please do something, to change your smelly ways?
And not live life in the gutter for the rest of your days.


You, caused the destruction of my life,
The death of my third cousin,
The abduction of my wife.
You, are the source of all my pain,
The cause of my condition,
Why I won't walk again.
So why did you come into my life?
'Cause now my twitch is itching and it's causing me some strife.

You, caused the destruction of my life,
The death of my third cousin,
The abduction of my wife.
You, are the source of all my pain,
The cause of my condition,
Why I won't walk again.
So why did you come into my life?
'Cause now my twitch is itching and it's causing me some strife.

I'd told you many times before about my allergy,
So why when we were thirteen did you shove that pill in me?
My mum thought we were best friends,
How much more could she be wrong?
I told her I hate her you so much, I'd have to write a song.
But I can't sing, so that would just be a waste of my time,
Making up lyrics, and getting them to rhyme.
And so to show you that I was really hard,
I said how much I hated you in a Valentine's card.

You, caused the destruction of my life,
The death of my third cousin,
The abduction of my wife.
You, are the source of all my pain,
The cause of my condition,
Why I won't walk again.
So why did you come into my life?
'Cause now my twitch is itching and it's causing me some strife.

You, are indeed the Weakest Link,
You show off all your body parts,
Even though they really stink.
You, got voted off in the first round,
You got all your questions wrong,
And now you're homeward bound.
You, really make me wonder why,
That's why I'm telling you 'You Are The Weakest Link, Goodbye'

So why did you come into my life?
'Cause now my twitch is itching and it's causing me some strife.
And now, there is nothing left to do,
And because my twitch is itching,
I blame it all on you.