I was always a lazy one, a Southern Californian
But I've some kinfolk on the Mason-Dixon line
So this summer just for fun hopped in my Delorian
And headed for my uncle's farm for a short time
I thought that I would be hunting and fishing

I misunderstood him somehow
So far there's nothing but chores here to mention
I didn't mind feeding the sows

Chorus:
How do you milk a cow? (2x)
I wasn't in FFA
This cow must think I'm crazy up under it this way
I'm sitting here a-pulling but there ain't nothing coming out
Oh-me-i-ee-i-o
How do you milk a cow?

I love it here in Tennesse
But these farmers all make fun of me
Can't haul much hay in a tiny sports car
So I got myself a four wheel drive Learned to spotlight deer at night
And I've got shearing sheep right down to an art
One things for sure I hate shoveling manure
It gets all over my overalls
Them horses need shoeing I hear Bessy mooing
so I thought maybe I'd ask you all

Chorus:
How do you milk a cow? (2x)
I think its safe to say a man could get arrested for this in L.A.
This heifer must be empty cause she ain't putting out
Oh-me-i-ee-i-o
How do you milk a cow?

This song is absolutely an UDDER disaster
I hope I don't get mad cow disease

How do you milk a cow?
I no longer care I'm getting sick and tired of smelling DAIRY AIR
I'm heading back to Cali and I'm turning in my plow
Oh-me-i-ee-i-o
How do you milk a cow?