You know those girls who seem like they’re really cool… until you realize that everything that’s cool about them is something they sucked out of their ex-boyfriends? You know the girls I’m talking about: those Vampire Girls…

Teach me how to fix cars.
Teach me how to drink
Teach me about Coltrane.
Teach me how to think.

Syd Barrett, Frank Zappa,
GTOs, Stratacastors
Noam Chomsky, Iggy Pop
Zabrisky Point, PhotoShop
Orson Welles, baseball, sex
Burroughs, Bukowski, Malcolm X

Vampire Girls

Make me compilations.
Teach me how to drive.
Correct my pronunciation
It means you know that I'm alive!

Kenneth Anger. Sun Ra
Hedge funds. Grappa.
Raymond Chandler. Kerouac.
How to play blackjack.
Tim Tim. The Rat Pack.
Karen Black. Balzac.

Vampire Girls

My teachers gave me dolls
I don’t know where Uganda is
I don’t want to be stupid anymore
Take me to the Whitney, take me to the Met
Take me to the Louvre on your corporate jet!

Take me to St. Bart's
From my East Village dive.
Introduce me to Johnny Rotten.
Backstage at Saturday Night Live!

Phillip K. Dick. Cap’n Beefheart.
Jerry Lewis. How to park.
Jeff Koons. Glitter rock.
Indian food. Pop art
Georges Bataille. Get Smart.
Saul Bellow. Asbury Park.

How’d you get so confident? How’d you learn about all these restaurants? You’re so interesting… I could listen to you forever! Teach me how to develop photographs. Let me mix your paints! Can I apprentice from you while you blow glass? Or I’ll just sit here quietly while you think.
Cosmopolitan Magazine taught me how to get a man, now you’re going to have to teach me everything else. I want to be you. I mean, I love you! Introduce me to your contacts. I mean, your parents! Can’t you make me interesting, like you?