Good morning, dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To watch two people we know make a big mistake
They'll stand up at the alter
And solemnly swear I do
They'll be together forever
'Til they find somebody new

Her daddy's in the front row
Muttering oh no here we go again
They had a couple dates
Now she's three months late
And it's twenty bucks a plate I spent, oh....

Good morning, dearly beloved
I'd like to welcome ya'll
To see the side-effects of sex and alcohol
Please bow your heads and join me
In a prayer for these two
Who'll be together forever
'Til they find somebody new

The bride is a flirt and the groom is worse
As he's putting the ring on her
He's checking out the bridesmaids
Thinking that he might take
The maid of honor's honor, oh...

Welcome, dearly beloved
We are here this afternoon
To throw rice as these two
Drive down the road to ruin
With cans tied to the bumper
And a dragging muffler too
They'll be together forever
Until they find somebody new

So raise your glass and join me
Here's to the bride and groom
They'll be together forever
'Til they find somebody new