I tried going to bars, I tried acting real smooth
Wearing a white hat and cruising for sorostitutes
Say pretty baby can I buy you a drink?
I guess not what the hell was I thinking?

You've got the look and you walk the walk
But you're the kind of chick who doesn't talk
To lowlife punks and misfit guys like me
I try but I never forget
This should be a duet
But that's another dimestore fantasy

(chorus)
Everybody's getting laid but me
I'm by myself watching porn on TV
I've done just about as much as I can
But I'm out of ideas and I'm bored with my hand

I tried candy and flowers and acting real sweet
I took her out to the movies, bought her something to eat
I lit candles, poured wine, real romantic
But she dates fast cars, caviar and plastic

I'd ask around but I'm sure I'd find
That chicks like you never have the time
Foe lowlife punks and misfit guys like me
I try but I never forget
This should be a duet
But that's another dimestore fantasy