JAMIE:
I'm breaking my mother's heart
The longer I stand looking at you
The more I hear it splinter and crack
From ninety miles away

I'm breaking my mother's heart
The JCC of Spring Valley is shaking
And crumbling to the ground
And my grandfather's rolling
Rolling in his grave

If you had a tattoo, that wouldn't matter
If you had a shaved head, that'd be cool
If you came from Spain or Japan
Or the back of a van
Just as long as you're not from Hebrew school
I'd say, "Now I'm getting somewhere!
I'm finally breaking through!"
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!"
I've been waiting for someone like you

I've been waiting through Danica Schwartz and Erica Weiss
And the Handelman twins
I've been waiting through Heather Greenblatt, Annie Mincus, Karen Pincus
and Lisa Katz
And Stacy Rosen, Ellen Kaplan, Julie Silber and Janie Stein
I've had Shabbas dinners on Friday nights
With every Shapiro in Washington Heights
But the minute I first met you
I could barely catch my breath
I've been standing for days with the phone in my hand
Like an idiot scared to death
I've been wandering through the desert
I've been beaten, I've been hit
My people have suffered for thousands of years
And I don't give a shit!

If you had a pierced tongue, that wouldn't matter
If you once were in jail or you once were a man,
If your mother and your brother had relations with each other
And your father was connected to the Gotti clan
I'd say, "Well, y'know, nobody's perfect"
It's tragic but it's true
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!"
I've been waiting for someone like...

You, breaking the circle
You, taking the light
You, you are the story
I should write...
I have to write!

If you drove an R.V., that wouldn't matter
If you like to drink blood, I think it's cute
If you've got a powerful connection to your firearm collection
I'd say "Draw a bead and shoot!"
I'm your Hebrew slave, at your service
Just tell me what to do
I say, "Hey hey hey hey!"
I've been waiting for someone
I've been praying for someone
I think that I could be in love with someone
Like you