We sat 'round the table upon Christmas Day
My brother said, "You should all know that I'm…
Going for a ride, can I borrow the truck?
By the way, mum and dad, I think you're both…
Funny, no really, I love you to bits."
Grandma yelled "Merry Christmas" and flopped out her…
Tickets to a concert, put on by Lou Rouls
Grandpa stood up and said look at my…

Christmas Day, Christmas Day,
You never know what they are going to…sing.

We went outside and were gazing at Venus,
Someone remarked at the size of…
Uranus and Pluto and Saturn and Mars
"What that fowl smell?" It just Grandma's…
Arsenic she keeps on the shelf by the clock,
She rubs some each night on your grandfather's…
Corns, which are painful from shoes that don't fit.
He feels relief when he sits down to…

Christmas Day, Christmas Day,
You never know what they are going to…suggest.

Then we all went for a swim in the pool,
Dad said to grandpa, "You silly old…
Fuckwit, get fucked, you fucked of with my togs,
Oh shit, now I've sworn and I've fucked up the….
Song, which was never meant to be this blunt.
Oh fuck this get fucked you're a big pack of…

Christmas Day, Christmas Day,
You never know what they are going to say.