Well I walk up to you and I shake your hand
Ask you how your day was, you were up all night, that sucks I understand
Now hurry the fuck up ‘cause I don’t want to wait
I’m in a hurry and it’s your fault I’m stepping 20 minutes late

‘Cause I’m a pilot, I only care about me
I don’t give a fuck if I bring your jet back code 2 or code 3
I’m a pilot and I never make mistakes
I’ll take the credit if it aint broken, I’ll blame you if it breaks

I don’t even know where the oil filter lies
But I’ll tell you fix it faster, goddammit! ‘Cause I’m the one who flies
And I’ll leave FOD in the cockpit without even a trace
Then I’ll over-g the targeting pod with a smile on my face

‘Cause I’m a pilot, I only care about me
I don’t give a fuck if I bring your jet back code 2 or code 3
I’m a pilot and I never make mistakes
I’ll take the credit if it aint broken, I’ll blame you if it breaks

I’ll put out some chaff, maybe a flare. Aw fuck it
‘Cause when I get back I want to see you have to replace the whole damn bucket
And the ECM pod that one’s my favorite joke
Forget to turn it on? Fuck no! It just pisses me off when something aint broke

‘Cause I’m a pilot and I’m a mean old son of a bitch. Yeah I know that it sucks that it’s all cold and rainy outside and here I am all warm and toasty inside my cockpit. Hey crewchief, while you’re at it, why don’t you get my tapes for me? What? Do you think I want to hold this helmet bag all damn day?

I’ll piss on your seat and blame it on a leak
Oh wait, gotta think of something else that’s the same excuse that I used last week

When I’m taxiing in do whatever it is you do
You can do a dance, pull down your pants, I don’t care I not even looking at you
And I’m sorry I scratched your jet up, maybe she had an itch
‘Cause your baby may have your name on her, but I just made her my bitch

‘Cause I’m a pilot, I only care about me
I don’t give a fuck if I bring your jet back code 2 or code 3
I’m a pilot and I never make mistakes
I’ll take the credit if it aint broken, I’ll blame you if it breaks