The Swiss Miss girl made a fortune doing commercials on TV
But easy come and easy go was her philosophy
She spent all of her money; she was searching for some cash
So she went to her friend Capt. Crunch who she met at a Hollywood bash

The second that he saw her, he said, "I bet you’re in need of some dough"
Perplexed and confused she asked him "Oh but Capt. how did you know?"
Laughingly he responded, "It was really just a lucky hunch"
With tears in her eyes she pleaded, "Will you help me out Capt. Crunch?"

The trials and Tribulations of the Swiss Miss girl
She's got a famous reputation and she's known throughout the world
But life's no bed of roses, she would change things if she could
She plans to make a brand new start and move out of Hollywood

The Capt. now was grinning, he felt he had her in the palm of his hand
He said, "Darling you’re a penniless woman and I'm a wealthy man"
You know the rules of the game by now; I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine
He said, "Let me take you out and we'll talk about this over a bottle of wine"

The Swiss Miss girl was disgusted, and she smacked him right in the face
Than she took his hat and she stomped on that, just to put him in his place
But, the old man was persistent, he would not be undaunted
The more that he'd been taunted, the more she turned him on

Than the Capt. made a pass at the Swiss Miss girl trying to show her his affection
She screamed for help and when she did, Mr. Clean came to her protection