The door blew open and Jack blew in
He looked at the barkeep and said with a grin
I must be going I really can’t stay
So pour me a drink and I’ll be on my way
Barkeep said … “What’ll it be?”

I’ll have one whiskey, one porter, one rye
And bring me some cider I’ll give that a try
Bring me two rums, one buttered one cold
And bring me a scotch at least 7 years old

Then bring on the wine I’ll start with the Port
And wash it all down with a beer of some sort
The brandy and sherry some grog and some ale
Some old mountain dew and a good howlin’ gale

Mead, stout, vermouth and gin
Vodka, bourbon, and a sly grin
Moonshine, tequila, cognac and schnapps
Some old sour mash and two belly flops
Goldwasser, ouzo, white lightning, green toad
Absinthe, sombuca, and one for the road!

Jack drank it down and said that was great
But I must be going before it’s too late
Then his friends joined him and said sit back down
If you must be going we’ll buy you a round
Barkeep said … “What’ll it be?”

[CHORUS]

With all his friends passed out on the floor
Still Jack’s bleary eyes were set on the door
The barkeep he said “It’s early you see,
So sit right back on down cause this one’s on me”
So Jack said … “Ut’ll butt he?”

[CHORUS]

Two ladies entered Jack got to his feet
He motioned them over and said have a seat
Both the girls giggled, one gave him a wink
And Jack with a smile said I’ll buy you a drink
Barkeep said … “What’ll it be?”

[CHORUS]

So Jack stood up and said “I must be off”
The barkeep said “Now I don’t mean to scoff
But you’re here nightly and never do go
So what’s say we both have one for the road?”
Barkeep said … “What’ll it be?”

[CHORUS]

Barkeep said … “FASTER!”

[CHORUS]