(spoken)
Oh yeah. Up my ass.

Up my ass.

Up my ass. A lit candle – up my ass. A firecracker, a finger, a thumb – up my ass. An egg. A vibratin' egg. A scrambled egg – up my ass. A dildo, strapped onto a mannequin, wearing a Nixon mask – up my ass.

Power tools, an electric drill, a screwdriver, a monkey wrench – up my ass. A monkey – up my ass.

A potpourri of assorted fragrances – up my ass. Up my smelly asshole. 'Cause I'm not one of those guys who walks around pretending that my shit don't stink. My shit stinks. I admit it. And right now, there is a lot of shit – up my ass.

Up my ass.

Up my ass.

Up my ass – and to the left.

Up my ass. Step right up. Step right up. Come one, come all – up my ass. Everyone and everything – up my ass.

Everything except for your skanky, bullshit, artificial, plastic dick (oh yeah), looks like you bought it at the K-Mart (up my ass) – fuck you with your bogus dildo (oh yeah). You can shove that up your ass, honey, not mine. Up my ass, I got a special gift for you. Right here. Come and get it. It's up my ass.

Up my ass.

Up my ass.

Up my ass.

The Louisiana Purchase – up my ass (up my ass). The Encyclop?a Britannica (up my ass) – up my ass (up my ass). Your grandmother – up my ass. Shields and Yarnell – up my ass.

Chocolates. Lollipops. Cakes and pies...and it's all for free. Children...children...