(spoken)
Well, look. Of course I appreciate your sincerity, your earnestness, your eagerness to please, but if you don't mind, hold out your hands, 'cause I'm gonna smack you with the ruler. And be grateful, because I've been known to urinate in people's mouths. I've been known to shit on faces. I've been known to wipe my nose on people's hair, and vomit directly into people's assholes. I'm very well-known for these things, so you would do well not to cross me. You could do worse than to obey my every whim. Because I have been known to chain people up in the basement and leave the television on a public access channel with the volume all the way up and the remote control just out of reach.

For I am a great and savage god, and I am most well-known, and if you don't believe me, well, you had just better start, because, as I have said, I have been known to use people as handkerchiefs and toilet tissue and toilet bowls, and not because I don't have my own, but because I am a god, and people only exist to serve gods.

If I desire a woman – and when I desire sexual gratification it is with a woman, exclusively, for I am not a gay god or a bi god, but a straight god – when I desire a woman, I take her. I may, if I wish, ask her out a few times, maybe cook a nice dinner, try to amuse her with my keen wit and shy demeanor, so as to put her in a more conducive mood. I may even treat her like a goddess if I wish. But only if I wish. And if I wish to use dildos or vibrators or oils or gels or leather masks or handcuffs or a rubber suit or a wooden ping-pong paddle or any other assorted implement, then that is what I shall do.

I am a god! And human customs and rules of decorum and propriety do not apply to me. (I am a god!) If I wish to eat horse meat or dog meat, even though I am a vegan god, I will do so. For that matter, if I want to fuck a young man up the ass or suck off somebody's grandfather, I will do that too, even though I am a straight god. And so on.

And it is so excellent to be a god, let me tell you: I don't have to pay for anything, I can park wherever I want, and people have to pray to me. It is a happy happy life, and I am oh-so-lucky to be a god.

I am a god!

I am a god!

I am a god!