Oh, Mikey
Dear me, Mikey
What's the news I find today?
Is your life all it is they say?
Through dress code, and lyrics, and the love songs I play
Oh, Mikey

Oh, Mikey
I find now that I've slaved for you
'cause regarding the atheistic tendencies I've made
are all thrown away and I pray
you'll come back home, sing me a love song, and say you're not gay

But isn't the funny thing today
how Bruce and Sean are right for you, but I ain't
And what's the matter with the obviously situate
Oh, Mikey
do you have to be so very gay?

Add It Up like Gordon Gano
and he only wants to do it in his dad's car
Harry's fingers could never do, it's you
Something so eerily easing about your face
Must be the eyeliner

Oh, Mikey
Can't you see I love you?
And regarding our drastic difference in age
I can see the headlines now
"Girl marries rock star twice her age"
But goodbye Jerry Springer and Star Magazine
'cause you're gay

But isn't the funny thing today
how Bruce and Clyde are right for you, but I ain't
What's with this gender bias, what else can I say?
Oh, Mikey
do you have to be so very gay?

Oh, Mikey
Can't you see I love you?
And regarding this obsessive protest I've made
All I need is a love song and a kind word today
and Everybody Hurts and Losing My Religion to say I'm okay

But I think the funny thing today
is Bruce and Sean are right for you, for Christ's sake
So I'm not made for you, what else can I say?
Oh, Mikey
Come back and be straight
Come back and be straight