Once upon a time just around the bend
There lived a scrawny little tot about nine or ten
He grew kinda early and his mind was kinda late
Everybody could see he had a problem with his weight
He had a 26 waist and a size 12 shoe
Six foot five, weighed a hundred and two
His mom lays dead and old Uncle Benny
Could see her pride and joy was way too skinny

Chorus:
Willard’s skinny and he's locked in the basement
That’s where the different people go
Willard’s skinny and his life’s out of placement
What do the other people know?

Grade school came and the laughing started
He was different, he was sick, 'cause he belched and farted
His pants were too short, always seemed too tall
He gained his fame from the jokes on the wall
Missed out on parties and the graduation dance
‘Cause nobody forgives you when you poop your pants
Sporting polyester and a mobcut too
Nowhere to hide when they’re laughing at you

(Chorus:)
(Solo:)

Willard, oh Willard was never one to blame
It's just the narrow-minded people who laugh your name
Standing so tall, ‘cause he can’t be sold
Wishing for the day that you’re out of the cold

(Chorus: 2x)