Only Solitaire

Brain-storming, habit-forming, battle-warning
Weary, winsome actor spewing spineless, chilling lines
The critics falling over to tell themselves he's boring
And really not an awful lot of fun
Well, who the hell can he be when he's never had V.D.
And he doesn't even sit on toilet seats
Court-jesting, never-resting
He must be very cunning to assume an air of dignity
And bless us all with his oratory prowess
His lame-brained antics and his jumping in the air
And every night his act's the same
And so it must be all a game of chess he's playing

But you're wrong, Steve - you see, it's only solitaire