I met her at the 'Sailor Arms'
A bar down by the docks
Full of prostitutes and deviants
And fellows wearing frocks
Went there to drown my sorrow

My misery and paaaiiiiaaaiiiiaan
With fourteen multicoloured pills
And a pint of heavy ale
(heavy ale)
And I saw this girl across the way
Who was smiling through the wine
So I begged her come on over
Come on over, spend some time
And I spilled my life before her
And she seemed to understand
Although she was a girl
We were talking man to man
(man to man)
[Chorus]
For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in the Sailors Arms
At twenty-five past three
There's something strange about her
I can't put my finger on
But I wanna tell the world
That she's the one
(she's the one)
I wanna tell the world
That she's the one
She strolled up to the toilets
She strolled into the Gents
I asked her why she did it
Why she'd gone to pay the rent
We arm-wrestled and I lost
She beat me with a spike
Told me filthy jokes
That were quite unlady-like
(lady-like)
It was four in the morning
And through the smokey haze
I could've been mistaken
But she needed to shave
(to shave)
[Chorus]
For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in the Sailors Arms
With a better man than me
Her husky voice seduced me
My heart was in a mess
I sat upon her knee
As something twitched beneath her dress
There's something more than knees beneath her dress
You've got nice eyes says I
(Oh Sir, I am suprised)
What large hands I said
(All the better to touch you with)
God, you arms look strong
(A woman's work is never done)
Your legs are quite hirsuite
(Aren't you the saucy one!)
I was feeling less than stable
When she said her name was Ken
(Ken!)
Well if I had suspicions
Lord I should've had 'em then
(then!)
She cried as she told me
How she was so confused
One more visit to the doctor
She'd have nothing left to lose
(Toulouse-Lautrec)
I ran my fingers through her wig
She lightly stroked my hair
She said she was a man
(Whoa whoa! She said she was a man?
A man called Ken - Bull-twang!)
Lots of men are called Ken.
(So what did you say?)
I told her I don't care
(He doesn't care)
[Chorus]
For love is where you find it
Wherever that may be
For me it was in a hopper bin
With my trousers 'round my knees
There's something strange about her
I just put my finger on
And I want to tell the world
That she's the one
(he's the one)
I want to tell the world
That its the one.