Hot step moms and surrogate dads - It breaks my heart to see him so sad - Lying alone in his room with a frown on - Reruns show him what he's missing out on - If life could be, like he sees it on TV - He wouldn't have to hurt so bad - Hurts so bad 'cause - It's too much drama, too much drama Dad and Mama - Traded back and forth til he turns 18 - It's too much drama, the kid don't need no new step grandma - So he joins a family on the screen - Can't you see? Too many parents leave - Too many sets of parents leave a kid who can't believe - How they can think that he can take it - It's all he can do to fake it - Off for a weekend with real Dad but - The only thing real is how real bad he - Just wants his life to be black and white - Those people never fight - If he could Xerox a home from the talking picture box - He wouldn't have to hurt so bad - So he turns to TV for help and for guidance - A lot of his virtues he picked up from Linus - Fonzie taught him what it means to be cool - From Doogie he learned that he must go to school - Three's Company taught him that just acting gay - Could lower the actual rent he would pay - Cops showed beating your wife and your neighbor - Could immortalize you and your double wide trailer