RESTAURANT MAN
No Please No
Not Tonight Please No
Mister - Can't You Go -
Not Tonight - Can't Have A Scene

ROGER
What?

RESTAURANT MAN
Go, Please Go;
You - Hello, Sir-
I Said No
Important Customer

MARK
What Am I - Just A Blur?

RESTAURANT MAN
You Sit All Night - You Never Buy!

MARK
That's A Lie - That's A Lie
I Had A Tea The Other Day

RESTAURANT MAN
You Couldn't Pay

MARK
Oh Yeah

COLLINGS
Benjamin Coffin III--Here?

RESTAURANT MAN
Oh No!

ALL
Wine & Beer!

MAUREEN
The Enemy Of Avenue A
We'll Stay

RESTAURANT MAN
Oiy Vey!

COLLINS
What Brings The Mogul In His Own Mind
To The Life Cafe?

BENNY
I Would Like To Propose A Toast
To Maureen's Noble Try
It Went Well

MAUREEN
Go To Hell

BENNY
Was The Yuppie Scum Stomped
Not Counting The Homeless
How Many Tickets Weren't Comp'ed

ROGER
Why Did Muffy--

BENNY
Alison

ROGER
Miss The Show?

BENNY
There Was A Death In The Family
If You Must Know

ANGEL
Who Died?

BENNY
Our Akita

BENNY, MARK, ANGEL, COLLINS
Evita

BENNY
Mimi - I'm Surprised
A Bright And Charming Girl Like You
Hangs Out With These Slackers
(Who Don't Adhere To Deals)

They Make Fun - Yet I'm The One
Attempting To Do Some Good
Or Do You Really Want A Neighborhood
Where People Piss On Your Stoop Every
Night?

Bohemia, Bohemia's
A Fallacy In Your Head
This Is Calcutta
Bohemia Is Dead

MARK
Dearly Beloved We Gather Here To Say
Our Goodbyes

COLLINS & ROGER
Dies Irae - Dies Illa
Kyrie Eleison
Yitgadal V' Yitkadash (etc.)

MARK
Here She Lies
No On Knew Her Worth
The Late Great Daughter Of Mother Earth
On This Night When We Celebrate The Birth
In That Little Town Of Bethlehem
We Raise Our Glass - You Bet Your Ass To -
La Vie Boheme

ALL
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme

MARK
To Days Of Inspiration,
Playing Hookey, Making Something
Out Of Nothing, The Need
To Express -
To Communicate,
To Going Against The Grain,
Going Insane,
Going Mad

To Loving Tension, No Pension
To More Than One Dimension,
To Starving For Attention,
Hating Convention, Hating
Pretension,
Not To Mention Of Course,
Hating Dear Old Mom And Dad

To Riding Your Bike,
Midday Past The Three
Piece Suits-
To Fruits - To No Absolutes-
To Absolut - To Choice-
To The Village Voice-
To Any Passing Fad

To Being An Us - For Once-
Instead Of A Them-

ALL
La Vie Boheme
La Vie Boheme

MAUREEN
Is The Equipment In A Pyramid?

JOANNE
It Is, Maureen

MAUREEN
The Mixer Doesn't Have A Case
Don't Give Me That Face

MR. GREY
Ahhemm

MAUREEN
Hey Mister-She's My Sister

RESTAURANT MAN
So That's Five Miso Soup, Four
Seaweed Salad
Three Soy Burger Dinner, Two Tofu
Dog Platter
And One Pasta With Meatless Balls

A BOY
Ugh

COLLINS
It Tastes The Same

MIMI
If You Close Your Eyes

RESTAURANT MAN
An Thirteen Orders Of Fries
Is That It Here?

ALL
Wine & Beer!

MIMI & ANGEL
To Hand-Crafted Beers Made In
Local Breweries
To Yoga, To Yogurt, To Rice And
Beans And Cheese
To Leather, To Dildos
To Curry Vindaloo
To Huevos Rancheros And Maya Angelou

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Emotion Devotion, To Causing A
Commotion,
Creation, Vacation

MARK
Mucho Masturbation

MAUREEN & COLLINS
Compassion, To Fashion, To Passion
When It's New

COLLINS
To Sontag

ANGEL
To Sondheim

FOUR PEOPLE
To Anything Taboo

COLLINS & ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham And Cage

COLLINS
Lenny Bruce

ROGER
Langston Hughes

MAUREEN
To The Stage

PERSON #1
To Uta

PERSON #2
To Buddha

PERSON #3
Pablo Neruda, Too

MARK & MIMI
Why Dorothy And Toto Went Over The
Rainbow
To Blow Off Auntie Em

ALL
La Vie Boheme

MAUREEN
And Wipe The Speakers Off Before
You Pack

JOANNE
Yes, Maureen

MAUREEN
Well - Hurry Back

MR. GREY
Sisters?

MAUREEN
We're Close

ANGEL, COLLINS, MAUREEN, MARK, MR. GREY
Brothers!

MARK, ANGEL, MIMI & THREE OTHERS
Bisexuals, Trisexuals, Homo Sapiens
Carcinogens, Hallucinogens, Men,
Pee Wee Herman
German Wine, Turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana

ALL
To Apathy, To Entropy, To Empathy, Ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC
To No Shame - Never Playing The
Fame Game

COLLINS
To Marijuana

ALL
To Sodomy
It's Between God And Me
To S & M

BENNY
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter

ALL
La Vie Boheme

COLLINS
In honor of the death of bohemia and impromtu
salon will commence immediately following
dinner... Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap,
will perform her famous lawn chair-handcuff
dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.

ROGER
Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about
his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.

MARK
Maureen Johnson, back from her spectacular
one-night engagement at the eleventh street
lot, will sing native american tribal chants
backwards through her vocoder, while
accompanying herself on the electric cello-
which she has never studied.

BENNY
Your New Boyfriend Doesn't Know
About Us

MIMI
There's Nothing To Know

BENNY
Don't You Think That We Should Discuss --

MIMI
It Was Three Months Ago

BENNY
He Doesn't Act Like He's With You

MIMI
We're Taking It Slow

BENNY
Where Is He Now?

MIMI
He's Right -- Hmm

BENNY
Uh Huh

MIMI
Where'd He Go?

MARK
Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet,
evocative song

(Roger picks up a guiter and plays)

MARK
That Doesn't Remind Us Of 'Musetta's
Waltz'

COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard Will Model The
Latest Fall Fashions From Paris While
Accompanying Herself On The 10 Gallon
Plastic Pickle Tub

ANGEL
And Collins Will Recount his Exploits
As An Anarchist - Including The Tale Of
His Successful Reprogramming Of The
M.I.T. Virtual Reality Equipment To Self-
Destruct, As It Broadcast The Words.

ALL
'Actual Reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS'

BENNY
Check!!

MIMI
Excuse Me - Did I Do Something Wrong?
I Get Invited - Then Ignored - All Night Long

ROGER
I've Been Trying - I'm Not Lying
No One's Perfect, I've Got Baggage

MIMI
Life's Too Short - Babe - Time Is Flying
I'm Looking For Baggage That Goes
With Mine

ROGER
I Should Tell You--

MIMI
I've Got Baggage Too

ROGER
I Should Tell You--

BOTH
Baggage - Wine--

OTHERS
And Beer!

MIMI
AZT Break

ROGER
You?

MIMI
Me. You?

ROGER
Mimi