There's a portrait of Uncle Alvarez
Hanging in the hall
Nobody wants to look at it
But Uncle Alvarez sees us all

Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
Better send a postcard and keep the family quiet

He's not really part Cherokee Indian
He didn't fight in the Civil War
He's just Eugene Isaac Alvarez
We feel sorry for the wall

Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
You're gonna make them sorry when you die

And it's a long way down
You're hoping for heart attack
Running around
And messing in this and that, and
Your beautiful wife keeps your life on a shelf for you
Safe in the bedroom where there's no dust or mildew and
It's hard to believe you were once a beautiful dancer...

Better just to shake it off
As you write your resumé
Don't think of Uncle Alvarez
And the price he had to pay

Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
You're gonna make them sorry when you die

Ho, ho, ho, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of presidents
Better send some money to the Alma Matter