[1st verse:]
Ev'ry time I see you sitting in your lady's lap
My heart fills up with sympathy for you
I am pretty sure that you would be a far more happy chap
If you could do what other doggies do
They say it's blissful to be dumb and if that's really so
I'm mighty glad that ignorance is bliss
It's better that they meant you to be dumb because I know
'Twould break your heart if you knew what you miss

[1st refrain:]
You've never had a horseshoe or a can tied to your tail
You never yet have stuck your nose into a garbage pail
You're not allowed to chase the cat around the place
Or come home in the evening with a lovely dirty face
While all the other human dogs go 'round without a care
A-hunting for their breakfast and their dinner here and there
They feed you indigestion from a Plaza bill of fare
Poor little rich girl's dog

[2nd verse:]
Ev'ry day an English butler dolls you up in style
And you and Madam motor off to tea
Then you have to sit up straight and look your very grandest while
Your Mistress lies about your pedigree
They pick you out a "soul mate" that they purchase at the store
You're not allowed to choose your future wife
You have to marry someone that you never met before
My God, but you do lead a rotten life

[2nd refrain:]
You've never sunk your teeth into a hobo's trouser patch
They chase the fleas so you can't have a good old-fashioned scratch
You're not allowed to "greet" a dog upon the street
The straight and narrow path for yours, you can't be indiscreet
You don't know what it means to find a great big juicy bone
Your Mistress doesn't think it right to let you out alone
Her husband who wears corsets has to be your chaperone
Poor little rich girl's dog