Start off in the womb, yeah, where it's nice and warm
Things are lookin' good, then it's time to be born
Doctor pulls you out and slaps you on the butt
And before you know it your umbilical cord is cut

Drag you from your mama, wheel you down the hall
Room full of babies, who just lie there and bawl
Lyin' in a diaper, feelin' like a fool
Things'll get much worse when it's time to go to school

You're crammed into a classroom with 30 other kids
Good you get nothing - bad you get hit
Nobody likes you and the classroom is cold
Stuck with a textbook that's 35 years old
Bullies beat you up, teacher puts you down
Sittin' in the corner don't dare make a sound
If you learn one thing, better learn to curse
'Cuz from now on, life gets even worse

Now that you are 30, better get a job
You will buy a house, you will buy a Saab
Get up in the morning, you will feel like dyin'
As the years go rollin' by, you will lose your mind
You were once a young man, now you're turnin' grey
Listening to people talkin' 'bout the Judgment Day

Now you've retired, goodbye to the job
And you've lost your teeth, goodbye corn-on-the-cob
Look back on your life and all the things you did
Standin' in the yard, yellin' at the kids
Now you're kickin' back, you don't have a care
Time to see the world from your Craft-matic chair

You'll move to Arizona where all the old folks go
You will vote Republican, you'll see UFO's

Then one day you die, find yourself in Hell
With the lake-o'-fire and that awful brimstone smell
You were really good, but you weren't good enough
Living ain't so easy, dying's really tough
Now look around, see how it's gonna be
Yes, my friend, you're screwed for all eternity