Through a long and sleepless night / I thought upon the jury's plight
If what is wrong can feel so right / then life's no longer black and
white
It's four o'clock and all's not well / in my private circle of hell

I contemplate my navel hair / and slowly slide into despair
This rut has fast become a trench / This smell has turned into the
stench
of rotten dreams and stale ideals / The past is snapping at my heels
Oh Danny Boy the pipes are blocked / with bedtime blues and future shock
I know the best is yet to come / but does it always take this long?
I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I will always be the bridegroom and never the bride
You deserve to be horse-whipped / But I've no horse that joke's so shit
And whips would only make it worse / don't tempt the lonely and perverse
The casualties of casual sex / The child of three with X-ray specs
The conman low in self-esteem / The Casanova in your dreams
I'll scream and scream and scream until / I've made myself critically
ill
in hospital in case you're there / in uniform, intensive care
I know you'll be the death of me / but what a cool death that would be
I'd rather die than be deprived / of Wonderbras and thunder thighs
I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I will always be the bridegroom and never the bride
Bored of normality? Why not go daft? / It's easy to do if you try
Slide right back down that self-confident path / you've just so
laboriously climbed
Pickle your liver and addle your brain / Live the Bohemian life
Die young and penniless somewhere in Spain / Then again you could try
just to live your own life
in the way that you find most amusing / I DON'T REALLY CARE!
I can put on the perfume, even wear the dress sometimes
But I will always be the bridegroom and I will never be the bride
Never be the bride