well i thought about the army
dad said, son you're fucking high
and i thought, yeah there's a first for everything
so i took my old man's advice
three sad semesters
it was only fifteen grand spent in bed
i thought about the army
i dropped out and joined a band instead

grew a moustache and a mullet
got a job at chic-fil-a
citing artistic differences
the band broke up in may
and in june reformed without me
and they'd got a different name
i nuked another grandma's apple pie
and hung my head in shame

i've been thinking a lot today
i've been thinking a lot today

oh, i think i'll write a screenplay
oh, i think i'll take it to LA
oh, i think i'll get it done yesterday

in this time of introspection
on the eve of my election
i say to my reflection
god, please spare me more rejection
'cause my peers, they criticize me
and my ex-wives all despise me
try to put it all behind me
but my redneck past is nipping at my heels

i've been thinking a lot today
i've been thinking a lot today
i've been thinking a lot today
i thought about the army...