(Wilko Johnson)

Girls if your heart is feeling sore
Call the doctor and he'll fix it for sure

I'll be over right away but you might find you have to pay
For a private consultation and a guaranteed cure

When you're dying of a dreadful disease
You don't worry 'bout the medical fees
And it's too late to change your mind the doctors pulling down the blind
And your temperature is rising to a hundred degrees

I'll cuddle up beside you for a start
And listen to the beating of your heart
And then he'll take you gently by the hand
And ask you when the trouble first began
And then he'll look down deep into your eyes
And if your temperature continues to rise
There's only one way to make it stop
I'll have to prescribe the strongest medicine I've got

If this doesn't cure you it'll kill
But I know it's going to give you a thrill
And now I've come across don't complain about the cost
You shouldn't call the doctor if you can't afford the bills

I'll cuddle up beside you for a start
And listen to the beating of your heart
And then he'll take you gently by the hand
And ask you when the trouble first began
And then he'll look down deep into your eyes
And if your temperature continues to rise
There's only one way to make it stop
I'll have to prescribe the strongest medicine I've got

If this doesn't cure you it'll kill
But I know it's going to give you a thrill
And now I've come across don't complain about the cost
You shouldn't call the doctor if you can't afford the bills