I play in a band
We're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsea and France
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance

So come on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty
These other gals mean nothing to me
Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night
'Cause I'm more than a handfull you'll see

[CHORUS:]
So kiss me I'm shitfaced
And I'll soak and I'll soil their ground
in the trousers she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I can bench press a car
I'm an ex football star
with degrees from both harvard and yale
Girls just can't keep up
I'm a really love machine
I've had far better sex while in jail
I designed the Sears tower
I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best duck flambe
I'll take the pick of the liter
And girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

[CHORUS]

I'm the man of the night
A real ladies delight
See, my figure was chisled from stone
One more for the gal then I'll escort her home
Come last call, I'm never alone
I own a house on the hill with a red water bed
It puts Hugh Heffnor's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool and italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the gain

[CHORUS x2]

Ahh, fuck it. Who am I shittin'?

I'm a pitiful site
And I ain't all that bright
I'm definitly not chisled from stone
I'm a cheat and a liar
No women's desire
I'll probably die cold and alone

But just give me a chance
Cause deep down inside
I swear I got a big heart of gold
I'm a monoganous man
No more one night stands
Come on, let me take you home

[CHORUS x4]