Dum diti dum dang dang di dum
2 bums in an alley with a bottle of rum
1 bum said look Jack I'm the shit
put his knees to his ears and sucked his own dick
My mothers crazy I think she sniffs glue

she never liked me and I know that's true
Kicked me out the crib becuz I got a tattoo
No one loves me and no one cares
and all I ever get is funny stares
I can't help it if I'm nothin but a wino
so I hang at the zoo chillin with the rhinos
Stealin' bottles of booze outta A & P
I know a girl at Denny's and I always eat free
Got the same birthdate as Thomas Crapper
for Christmas I bought the old man the Clapper
I'm so dapper u can call me Dan
but they call me round eye when I'm chilin in Japan
Got a bad ass bitch adn she ain't no dike
but fuck that ho and let me tell ya what I like
I like bean burritos from Taco Bell
I like trippin on acid with Dick Vitale
My hair ain't plastic and my clothes aren't clashin'
I write my rhymes on a schooner in a 90's fashion
Took too many many trip and now I can's stop trippin
my mellow D. killed a rat in the kitchen
U think u toke tuff I'd disagree
nobody blows more doobs than Richard D.
I get ill on hoes who I know ain't fertile
I'm a real jet setter like Cecil turtle
I'm down with Bill Bands so Fuck Joe Glover
and while I'm at it muther fuck fat ass Sally Struthers
U look fine girl kinda undercover
but I can't fuck ya cuz you look like my mother
I said dang digee dang di dang dang
it ain't Eric Estrada or Kool and The Gang
U know I hand in the Clem chillin on the strip
with all them mother fuckers who slang that shit
U know I'm a pimp hold my dick like a holster
u sing it "all the girls want a kid rock poster"
Lifes a big joke and that's how it strikes me
but fuck it cuz I know "Somebody up there likes me."
Assholes are only assholes, fo sho'