(Chip Davis, Bill Fries)

Now how many peppers did Peter Piper pick ta get himself a peck a' pickled peppers? But more importantly, how many pickles do you get in a peck, when you can't find no peppers ta pick? And furthermore, who wants a pickle that's made from a pepper by a guy named Peter Piper? And in conclusion, how many pipers do you know that pick pickles? And how many Peters are pickled?

[The chorus, and how to sing it. Pay attention, 'cause there might be a quiz. C.W. and the backup singers sing line 1, then C.W. alone sings lines 2 and 3, then the backup singers alone sing lines 4 and 5.]

Well, I don't know, and I don't care
Go away an' leave me alone
I don't know, and I don't care
He don't know, and he don't care
About nothin'

Now how many ducks could a duck plucker pluck, if'n the duck plucker plucked until dark? And more importantly, how many plucks would it take on a duck, 'til the plucker got duck plucker's arm? And furthermore, if the duck plucker died whilst pluckin' the duck, would you call it the fault of the duck? Or think now, would you say that the plucker had run out of ducks? And they called it "duck plucker's luck"?

[Chorus. See the instructions, above.]
Well, I don't know, and I don't care
Go away an' leave me alone
I don't know, and I don't care
He don't know, and he don't care
About nothin'

Now how much wood could a woodpecker peck, whilst Peter was a-pickin' them peppers? And what if the pluckor became the pluckee, and the woodpecker's name was Chuck?

[Chorus. Yeah, one more time.]
Well, I don't know, and I don't care
Go away an' leave me alone
I don't know, and I just don't care
He don't know, and he don't care
About nothin'

[C.W.] Boys got any idea how we gonna get outta this?

[Backup singers] We don't know.

[C.W.] Don't know, huh?

[Backup singers] We don't care.

[C.W.] Yeah, I know you don't care, neither.

[The music just sorta peters out.]

[C.W.] That's good.