Now listen up you know ya come home from working that nine to five and
lay yourself down on burgundy couch, you know, it never really was
burgundy. It was red, and you painted with the goddamn sprinkler and
now you have bits and pieces of burgundy stuck to your but every time

you get off of it. You never tell your family, you never tell your
family because, you know, ol' Junior, he's got no brains, and what can
you do? What can you do? (And old Junior, you know, got a little crazy
with that P.B.J. that one day...??)

CHORUS
Grab yourself a can of pork soda
You'll be feeling just fine
Ain't nothin' quite like sittin' 'round the house
Swillin' down them Cans of swine

Ha ha ha! Yes, Dad's an idiot alright!

Well, alright, I'm really starting to worry about you. You had to have
that two-car garage with the large driveway so you could park that
goddamn boat in it. If it wasn't for the boat (blah blah blah)

CHORUS

I like Kansas wine...

Well, maybe it's something simpler, like your team lost or your
girlfriend used to be a guy, you know, I don't know. I mean...(blah
blah blah)