I'm wet and I'm moist,
So come on let's rejoice,
In the birds, the bees, the fillies and the colts,
And the fact that we are all young adults.

And lie back on your couch,
After this there'll be no doubt.
I don't care if you're a Miss or a Missus,
You done been squelched by the World's best kissers.

Ho, ho, sit up straight and pout,
I'll suck your face until I pull your molars out.
A tongue so grand you'll call me more than friend,
One kiss from this and you'll never brush your teeth again.
(And you know it's true, mate!)

Well go back to your husband now,
Tell him you done broke your vow.
Stand proud and say "Hey Mister,
I've just been kissed by the World's best kisser".

Ho, ho, sit up straight and pout,
I'll suck your face until I pull your wisdoms out.
A tongue so long it really grows and grows,
Put it in your mouth and it'll clean out your nose.

I've only kissed one girl before,
My Grandma on the kitchen floor.
She dribbled and grinned and said "Hey Kid,
You taught me things your Grandpa never did".

She added there'd be hell to pay,
If Ma found out we'd gone astray.
So hurry Paul, go and get some sleep,
You've finally got a skill to teach the sheep.

Hey, hey, calm down and pucker up,
These lips are strong enough to stop a truck.
A tongue so long it really packs a punch,
One kiss from this and I'll know what you had for lunch.
One kiss from this,
And I'll know what you had for lunch
yesterday.