I don't read those fancy newspapers
I don't care for the print on my fingers
I can't take that slanted press
An' you know how the smell of the paper lingers.

But the TV news, what a wonderful innovation
Well it's where it's at, tea on my lap
Soakin' it up, lappin' it up.

I don't watch much television
Maybe 'The Street' and 'Blankety Blank'
I don't play any of those crazy ball games
Where's the sense in sweatin' no thanks.

But my TV news, it's a marvellous presentation
Perfect end to the day, tea on a tray
An' we never get upset.

The fightin' and the bombin' and the bloodshed
An' all the starvin' children round the world
The aeroplanes crashin', and the earthquakes
Right before my eyes they're all unfurled.

I don't listen to the radio
Well maybe just Wogan's breakfast wit and
Don't give me any of those crazy ball games
Where's the sense in keeping fit?

But the TV news, won't you give me that confrontation
Nothin' I prefer than my tea down my shirt
Soakin' it up, shruggin' it off.

The fightin' an' the bombin' an' the bloodshed
An' all the crazy despots round the world
Murders, an' the scandal an' the heartache
Right inside my lounge they're all unfurled.

On my TV news
What a colourful presentation
You' got the blood and the thunder
The world goin' under,
It's all there to see
All on the TV news.

What an' honest interpretation
Straight as a die, the cameras don't lie
It's all there to see
All on the TV news.