She came into my room at two o'clock in the afternoon
And she said that she had a desperate need
To talk about our relationship
and wasn't it time that we called it quits
But she cried when I said that I kind of agreed

I didn't know what to say
I began to wish I was dead
Crazy me crazy me
I thought that she meant what she said
She said she wanted to hear me say that I'd always want to be near her
I asked, "Well why isn't that what you said?"
She turned and cried some more and when she left she slammed the door
Then I sighed with relief and sat down on my bed
My jaw nearly hit the floor
I couldn't believe my eyes
Twenty minutes later when I opened the door
And she was standing right outside
I said, "Hey what the hell are you still doing here?"
and she said, "Well
I thought you were gonna come after me"
I rolled my eyes and told her, "You should really be acting older
You're thirty years old and I'm just twenty-three"
CHORUS:
Then she rode away
On a bicycle built for two
All alone
To make her leave was beyond my power so we hugged for half an hour
And I know for sure because I checked
My cowboy secret space detective super hero radioactive
Message decoding watch behind her neck
Two hours later she finally left
And this time she was really gone
I sat done immediately
And I began to write this song
I was out on New Year's Eve and as I was getting ready to leave
I saw her approach from across the bar
So I pretended I was plastered, she found out and called me a bastard
But she followed me home anyway in her car
We argued right outside my door
It was unbelievably cold
My toes were getting kind of numb
So I told her that I had to go
Now I live in fear every time I see her coming near
I try to hide but I can't get away
I'm sick of lies and compromises averting eyes and wearing disguises
She stalks me twenty-four hours a day
CHORUS