Woke Up this morning and I got out of bed,
I fell down the stairs and landed on my head,
I'm crawling along the floor,
I opened up the door,

Whoa Lord, I'm stuck under the stairs,(under the stairs)
Whoa Lord, The handle is nowheres,(I'm lost)
No one, will let me out,(let me out)
No one, can hear me shout,(I lost my arse in the shower)

My Horse got pissed off with me and I fell down,
I fell down and I cried,
My Horse got pissed of with me and I fell down,
I fell down.

Whoa Lord, He got pissed off with me,(a constipated horse)
Whoa Lord, I've fallen in a ditch,(diahorrea)
A constipated horse,
Diahorrea,

Whoa Lord, I'm a chess playing arab,
Whoa Lord, You treat me like a scarab,
Gonna figure out your every move,
Cos I'm so very very smooth, (After all I'm only human)

[repeat Alan and Rupert verses, whilst Adam sings:]
Two squares forward and one square to the right,
Diahorrea,
No one, will let me out
No one, can hear me shout.