I maintain that chickens are worse than ducks
They can't swim, can’t fly, they're all cooped up
More rights in farmyard dens!
No battery hens, so use your heads,
How sexy can you get with chicken legs?
Not very! And while I'm about it

Back in the bad old days before
Homosapien invented law
Sheep were wild and sinewy gods of will
No one thought they'd be clouds on stilts until
A guy called Noah built a floating zoo!
Good idea.

I don't care about your underwear
I'm going to read my books while you read your labels
Your father's calling (x4)

God bless the father of fax machines.
It's the 80s we can live out Thatcher's dreams
No need to deliver paper
Meet your maker Mr Stationary Shop
But the bad thing is, where does it stop?
Mobile phones! And while I'm about it

MPCs who don't keep the signal clean
For the landline, deliberately mean.
We shouldn't pay their prices
Indulge your vices in other walkie-talkies.
Do chickens use walkie-squalkies?
Not often!

I don't care about your underwear
I'm going to read my books while you read your labels
Your father's calling (x3)
Your father's calling you.