He lives down by the furnace
Janitor, Janitor
And he makes the young kids nervous
Janitor, Janitor
He tells everybody to call him Tony

But he smells like oil, and his ass is bony
Janitor, Janitor

He's got a lot of charms
Janitor, Janitor
Like the prison tattoos on his arms
Janitor, Janitor
He cleans the bathroom and tells dirty jokes
He dresses like a woman and rolls his own smokes
He's the Janitor, Janitor
He's the Janitor, Janitor

Hey there Neil, how ya doin'

Hey, not too bad.

Hey, I guess I saw you talkin' to the janitor this morning

Well, strange thing...I went in early, eh, to practice my volleyball spike in the gym and he was buffin' the floor with that electronic, buffomatic floor waxing thing he's got, eh? And so I was trying to spike, eh, and he was tryin' to buff all around me as I was tryin' to spike, and I said, "Hey pal, I'm tryin' to concentrate, Mr. Janitor, and I wanna work on my spike." And he said, "Oh yeah?" And he dressed up like Kate Smith and touched himself on the leg with a big wooden spoon and then he waxed me so hard I felt the hairs givin' way on myself, and then I make a little kind of oven mitt with what I could put back together.

How's your spike now?

Brilliant!

I guess it would be.

Hey Neils! Neil! Neils! Neils! Neil alert!

I was talkin' to the Janitor this mornin' too, ya know.

Ohhhh..

Yeah, he took me down, he took me down behind the furnace

Oh really?

And he showed me that sausage collection that he's got.

I heard he only has one.

Yeah, but it's real pretty.

One day I wanna be like him
Janitor, Janitor
Masturbating as I clean the gym
Janitor, Janitor
I think it must be a really nice life
Cleaning your nails with a hunting knife
Being stained yellow, the rest of your life.
Janitor, Janitor