There must be 5000 ways to die
and each one is the same way if you try
your friends all stand around while they dump you in the ground
and the people who loved you will ask why?

oh why? oh why? oh why? oh why?
and the bastard you hated the most
will stand up and give you a toast
he'll say we were such good friends
especially near the end
then he'll feel up your girl friend in front of your ghost
so get in your car and drive real fast
up in the attic with a shotgun blast
take a bath with a clock radio
vodka valium overdose
have you ever tried?
there must be 5000 ways to die
and if your very lucky
you'll get your picture in the paper on page 3
25 words will summarize how you spent your whole damn life
one day on that page
next day into the hamster cage (get it)
so get in your car and drive real fast
up in the attic with a shotgun blast
take a bath with a clock radio
vodka valium overdose
all the glamour can be yours with a loaded 44
have you ever tried?
there must be 5000 ways to die